Our 2011 Footprints

OUR STORY IN 2011

Hey baby,

Year 2011 had really been a very special year to me especially with your appearance. You are someone whom I never expect to jump into my life so sudden. Unplanned and unprepared. Even this is an unplanned blog. A space that I set up to release all my feelings & thoughts that I'll never get to say it out to you right in front of you. Though you stabbed my heart again and again but I didn't hold any anger towards you. In fact, my heart to you grows stronger each day.

You are the very first person that I went to karaoke with... Haven't been to karaoke before I met you. Thanks to you. Now that I'm kinda addicted to karaoke. Haven't been drinking so much out of my own house before I met you. Well, not to say that you are a bad influence to me but I wanted to say that you released the other side of me which I didn't know about. I'm always a very rigid, serious person but being with you, you ignite the other side of me. Being silly, spontaneous and fun... Though the days of holding your hands are not very long but I never ever regret for falling in love with you. Not even one day, one minute or one second. I just regretted for not spending more time with you during our days together.

We broke off, get back together for about a month and broke off again. But still we keep closely in touch. Tried staying away from each other but it doesn't seem to work for you and for me. Ended up, we're still very close. I guess our relationship is more like ‘Tom & Jerry’ kinda relationship. I’m more like your ‘Jerry’…You don’t want to see me, don’t want to be with me but you’ll miss me and will find your way to get me. When I try not to respond to you, you’ll try your very best to get me to you cause you know I’ll not resist you. I know you did try to be with me…TWICE…but you just couldn’t…I don’t mind not getting your love in return. I treat you good cause I had gave you my heart earlier….What I wrote in the love email that I send to you during our first breakup, I DO MEAN IT with ALL MY HEART… For me, I don’t mind not letting you know…I will love you silently, just as long as you’re happy….

There were too many things that we’d done together for the past 6 months. More than the 5 years which I’d spend with my EX. You brought me up & down, in & out, visited many new places, met with your family members & some of your closest friends. I don’t know how to write everything out in words so I made a video of our journey together in 2011.

Haven’t been so embarrass before my whole life but got really embarrassed in front of you. Need you to carry me back to your house totally drunk. Telling you all sorts of things which I couldn't even remember. When you replayed it back to me, that's exactly how I felt for you. I learned to let you go...I did try but each time when I do so... You came back. Sometimes, I just wonder...since you like being around me...wanted my care and attention, why don't you just forget the rest and we just start all over again... But i knew the answers.... It's just my silly thoughts....

Well, on new year eve…we did had our date deal but you forgotten. I know that you’re tired so I didn’t tell you that we actually had a date cause you made the first move to see me once you’ve return from your few days trip a day before. I also saw the disappointment on your face when you know that I’m not spending a night with you. Above all, you did ignite a FIREWORK in my life on the eve of 2012. You gave me a very good & unforgettable closure for the year. I never ever thought that you’ll introduce me to your closest friends. You bring me into your life once more, baby… Thanks, baby for taking me in as a part of your life on this special day. I had never ever spend any new year eve with anyone besides my family & relatives in my whole life before…YOU ARE MY VERY FIRST… THE ONE AND ONLY ONE… Guess I really need 20 years to forget about you and completely move on… ☺

I don’t really know how do you feel about me right now or who am I to do…but I am very sure that…I DO HAVE A SPECIAL PLACE IN YOUR HEART….

Thank you, baby for igniting the FIREWORK in my life before the end of 2011.

MIRACLE does happen and IT DID! It was you… You are indeed the miracle that I was hoping for before the end of 2011.

I didn’t stop loving you, baby. You just stop noticing it…

Happy New Year, baby!

I know you miss me...

Hey baby,

I wasn't expecting to see you last night since you just had a tiring day travelled back from training for few days. After sending some fruits for your parents, I went back straight to office. Your mum told me that you were sleeping and thought of letting you know that I'm there but I stopped her. I told her that I wasn't there to see you but just to give them the fruits and I'm actually rushing back to office to work. So she send me off to the door.

I didn't thought you would want to go out after a  long day. Since you BLOCK me from FB and you want to act cool by not sms or call me, you still find your way to talk to me... Sametime! I brushed one of our colleague off cause I want to concentrate on the work but eventually I failed to brush you off. Worst still I stop work and go pick you up for a drink. Listening to all your stories and you telling me how tired you are...I knew you wanted my attention. You still wanted me care about you. The funny part is...you showed me your bruised thumb and tell me how you bruised it. Your tone of voice and expression showing that 'Bee, look at my thumb... :(   It hurts'. Well, when I help to press your thumb...Your face showed a sense of happiness.

If according to your character, you wouldn't see me last night. I guess some parts in your heart started missing me after I'd been gone for few days break. You're probably expecting me to put a night at your place so through out the whole journey, you didn't even mention 'Do I want to put a night at your place?' cause you were expecting me to open up but I didn't. At your house, you open all your gates to let me take my stuffs to go in with you but I just stand outside. Your face looked disappointed when I told you that I just wanted to take my laptop. I can hear the disappointment tone in your voice. To be honest, I really wanted to stay but I just don't want to wake you up so early cause I have to go office the next morning. I haven't seen this look from you before even when we were together back then... Probably because all these while I've not turn you down.

I called you awhile ago but you didn't pick up and I thought you don't want to talk to me since you already reply me saying that you're eating already. I'm really glad that you called back. Although I'm quite disappointed that you turned down our date tonight but it's ok. I'll still be right beside you....Near to you... I do hope miracles to happen tonight that you'll change your mind. I really wished to see you tonight. I really am. I hope that I can hold you tight and kiss you once more tonight...

I AM STILL YOURS...

Hey baby,

When you needed help, I will be the first appearing in your mind. I don't mind that you take me on a joy ride or you're just taking me for granted or just taking advantage on me.... For me, as long as can help you solve your problem and you'll have a peace of mind and can make you happy....I'll be satisfied.

To be honest, one of our very close friend told me to brush you off...Saying that I'm really too good... I care about you too much and I forgot about myself. He said that sometimes when we've been too good all the while, people often take us for granted. I think I do agree with him. The problem with me is that whenever I see your message or call, I just couldn't turn you down.

I know that you're not mine anymore, I do get that... But the problem now is... I AM STILL YOURS!

Christmas 2011

Hey baby,

How i wish our hearts can be like these candy canes... This Christmas had indeed make me realized many things in my life... All the ups and downs that I'd gone through. Being with YOU... ALONE...with YOU and ALONE... Now...my heart is still with YOU!

Year 2011 Christmas was kinda interesting and unique for me...Well, at least is not the usual norm that I used to do all those years... Spend a night at yours on 22nd night cause had to help you prepare your training deck. Off to work on 23rd morning while you still sleeping like a cute pretty angel... Loaded all my stuffs in the car cause I wasn't thinking of staying over at yours on 23rd night. Worried that my car engine will wake you up thus I drove off real quick after get started. I went to woke like a zombie cause not enough sleep on 22nd night. In fact, we off to bed at 2.30am and it's 23rd morning. Had a real busy day at work during the 1st half and off I went to shop for Christmas's gifts for you, your nieces and gift exchange gift.

At first I thought of getting you the TOY STORY GREEN ALIEN soft toy from Toys R Us. After much consideration, I drop the idea cause you won't be using it anyway. You had ODIE with you and it's dying there... =P  Walk around the mall for few hours with lots of gifts ideas such as COACH key chain cause you always can't find your car key in your handbag, cash voucher for you to buy dresses, Toy Story Alien puzzle, towel, key holder wallet, COACH name card holder and perfume. I remember seeing your perfume left not much in your changing area so I ended up buying you that.

I have a perfume story to tell which nearly cause my nose to disfunction. I had this idea of getting you a perfume for Christmas for quite some time. I couldn't recall which brand you're using cause I only found HUGO, KENZO and CK Be bottles in your changing room. I thought the perfume you're using was Kenzo cause you mentioned a few times about Kenzo perfume. I searched high and low for your scent.... I memorized your scent eventually. Cause everytime when I passed by one area, I can smell your scent. I thought it was the scent of your cosmetic. Little did I know that, it was the actual perfume scent that you're using. I went from brand to brand, sniffing from perfume to perfume till I can hardly smell anything after that. I still couldn't find it. So I just forget about it and will try to look again on 23rd. Finally I found your scent...

A week before Christmas, I started shopping for you gift. I wanted to surprise by sending you gift while I'm on leave. The only gift that can deliver to you without me being around is flower.  I remember you told me on your birthday when you received the white casablanca with purple wrapping that I actually got you WRONG. Your EXes got you wrong too. You never like casablanca or purple colour. You like sunflower and blue. Navy blue. You said that sunflower gives you a feeling of being happy all the time and cheerful.

So I call up the florist and told her what to send but too bad... She only follow 75% of the brief. That's why I was so eager wanted to see your flower the moment you ask me about it. The wrapper suppose to be BLUE but it turn out green. A little disappointed. But I guess you were quite happy and surprise the moment you received it. I don't know whether you have been receiving flowers at work but I just want you to feel good. I want the rest of the people know that YOU ARE NOT AS WHAT THEY THINK YOU ARE... I was worried to death actually making this step cause you'll either HATE ME for life or YOU'll LOVE IT...But since I've got nothing to lose so what the heck? =)

Flower was just a part of the plan... I planned to send you 3 gifts cause GOOD THINGS come in 3 remember? I think it's kinda fated. I was your secret santa and I just need to squeeze a little brain juice on how to send you another 2 gifts then the idea of GOOD THINGS COME IN 3 can be succeeded! BINGO! Your sis invited me for her Christmas party. I wasn't thinking of passing the final gift personally cause I thought that I might not be seeing you anymore. Well, we're fated to spend this Christmas season together I guess...Somehow, we're gonna meet up on the 23rd night. Got lost while on my way to your sis and waiting patiently for your call. Made the call to you cause couldn't wait anymore and found out that I'm suppose to call. Meet you up at Starbucks 15mins before Christmas Eve's eve and had to help your subord. Thought we can go hang out at bar but you shut me off. Our actual plan was...I meet you up after I finish at your sis and we will go somewhere to snack and drink. But you were too busy to recall....

I was really happy when you told me that you were surprise and shock when you got up and found out that I'd took away all my stuffs. You thought that I'll spend another night at yours. The way you tell me shows you're quite disappointed that I'm not staying at yours. I actually took back my luggage to change for some clean clothes. I knew you'll want me to stay over at yours so I actually packed my luggage. Our Christmas Eve's eve was spend by helping you finishing your work... To me, it really doesn't matter just as long as you're there with me... Had breakfast with you before I left for home on Christmas Eve was the best thing ever happen. Of all these years, I never got the chance to spend any of the Christmas Eve with my loved one and 2011 is the very first year that I got to spend it someone whom I really loved and that's you!

When you woke up, you hit me with ODIE with your expression...you were actually happy to see me on Christmas Eve. Your expression was exactly the same when we were together. The look that being pampered and your gentle flirting voice in the morning made me felt really happy. That was the biggest gift ever that you've given to me and it's on Christmas Eve. You were playing with me on bed just like you used to be.... I really missed the time that we spend together... I really love you,baby...

Got home and busy prepare for the Christmas Dinner Feast. Lots of eating and chatting with family and friends but my heart keep thinking about you. I was wondering how are you doing at your sis? Are you having a good time? Do you enjoyed it? What you get for Christmas this year? And I was waiting for your messages or call actually. My heart was with you at your sis's. Finally i got to call you and found out that you just got home.
Hearing you telling me what you get for Christmas this year on 24th or should I say Christmas day since it's after 12am... What happen at your Christmas dinner? What you plan to do... I'm really happy. Cause somewhere in your heart there's place for me. And I'm really glad that you and your sis are really working out to make things better among you girls... Your ice-cream date should be a good closure for the year 2011...

Thank you for spending those days before Christmas with me...It meant a lot to me...

As Christmas time getting nearer...

Dear baby,

As Christmas day getting nearer...I miss you even more....I'm just wondering whether have you receive the sunflowers that I send you. I hope you'll like it. Keeping silence doesn't mean I forget about you. I missed you a lot more lately... I hope we'll have a great night out on our Christmas Eve's eve. To be honestly with you, there is no place and no one I would rather be with other than you...

Good things come in 3, baby... You have the book, the flower and right now left the last gift that I will give it to you personaly. I really wish to spend a quiet Christmas day with you. Only both of us, lazying on a couch, holding each other tight in front of the fireplace, listening to 'Have yourself a merry little Christmas' and 'Chestnut roasting on an open fire' with a glass of wine on our hand. This will be my dream Christmas.

Baby, if only I could tell you all this... I really wish to spend this Christmas day with you...
Thank you for your present too...Not sure if I will read it but it's your thoughts that count....

I miss you, baby...

Sorry that I love you

Hey baby,

Thanks for coming to my rescue last night. Don't know what I'll be like without you... Sorry to trouble you... I promised this will be my very first & last time... I didn't realize that I actually told you that I love you.... I told myself many many times not to tell u anything about my feelings towards you....The more I control, the more I lost control....  I don't hope for anything but I just wish that you'll be happy... If staying away from me makes you better, I will do it for you.... I thought I'm getting over you but eventually I'm not... I was your secret santa... I knew you could guess it because of all the years, you have not receive anything like that before... I was shopping for you gift for 2 days cause I really dunno what to get for a woman who has everything... But somehow, this book title striked my mind cause i bought one too last year.... I dun know why it keeps appearing...Guess God wants you to read it cause He knows that you're discourage... And i bought it for you... I found 2 books for you but my heart told me to buy this for you... That message on the card...was wrote down especially for you out of inspiration... I hope it'll help you...

This is just your first gift... :)   Good things come in 3. I asked you about your leave because I thought of sending you your favourite sunflower for Christmas when I'm away.... Your 3rd gift will be pass to you by your sister. I don't know whether you'll hate me after this or will appreciate the things that I did for you... I can just hope that you'll put on a smile when you receive those gift...

Sorry that I still very much in love with you, baby....

Anticipation

Baby,

That cute little puppy action, is indeed what I'm doing... I am eagerly waiting to see you... I checked on MSN and Sametime to see if you're online... When i saw you online, I have the urge to text u but i hold back... Cause i duno whether you'll like it... I'm afraid that I might trigger your anger so I just back off... All I can do is 'looking out the window' to see if you've 'come home'... I know you love me no more... It's just me....that still can let go of you....cause you have the biggest chunk of my heart...