14th Nov 2011, Monday, GMT 0028
Day 5 without you should be 13th Nov, Sun. But the time I wrote this, it’s already past midnite. I should have reached my house early but I drop by your house. I saw your lights still on with your car park at the side, it’s just like you’re waiting for me park in… I thought I’ll leave but I have the urge to re-visit your house again hoping that you’ll come out to smoke and happen to see me passing by. I make a big turn and pass by your house once more…I knew you are still watching drama, probably your mum is watching tv while your dad is sleeping soundly… You probably playing with the edge of you smelly pillow…. There’s a gush of breath coming up and I really felt like crying…but I didn’t let it out…
Today I was busy updating my FB status, it’s to keep you updated what I’m doing cause I know you’ll be checking on me too…Just as I did it on you but you were too lazy to do all these things. Finally about 3++pm, you updated that you’re at the gym. I very seldom do that, but I guess you and I are having the same thoughts….Just to keep each other updated without talking. I leave you a message at your wall. Probably you wouldn’t like it but I’m just trying to cheer you up.
My bro broke up with his gf of 5 years today… I can felt his pain because I’m still going through the aftermath now…Have been intoxicating myself lately but I just couldn’t get over you yet… I try re-visit all the places that we’ve been together… Though our time together is very short but it seems like I’ve spend a lifetime with you. We did lots of things and went to lots of places together…. We’d spend our birthdays together… At that moment, there’s really nothing in our mind. We maximize our days together… Now…all these are just memories that are still fresh in my mind.
I’ve found a song by Nicholas which I think really suits my feeling at this point… The title is Why Cry? I know I told you that as long as you’re happy, I’ll be just fine. I’m ok with it and you don’t need to worry about me. But somehow I cry…
This song is about why do I still cry? I thought I can withstand. I thought I can stand the loneliness without you… Why do I cry? What is there to cry? And the song goes on….
That is exactly my feeling right now…I thought I can…When you told me that you walk out, I’m ok. I’ll be fine. But I was wrong…
I’m crying for you baby but you wouldn’t know….
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