Watching you every night...

21 November 2011

01:24

Hey baby,

These 2 days I really had a good swim. Finally I got the chance to swim all I want without any crowd at the pool. Felt recharged and energized now after didn't exercise for more that a year and a half. Though it's really tired but I do enjoyed it. I like swimming cause it gives me 'peace' of mind. I still hope to teach you how to swim one day. And I will probably joined your sis & bro-in-law at their club to swim with your cute lil niece… I think I'll get her gifts for Christmas..  :)  

Last whole week (now it's Monday), I was really really sad & depressed. I really couldn't get over you. Do you know that I weep nearly everyday? Be it day or night, whenever I thought of you...my tears just fell.  I couldn't really work to be honest...But thank God, boss wasn't around the whole week so at least I had some space in the office…. I don't felt like talking to anyone except you...Don't fell like meeting anyone but you… Though it's really a painful, hurtful & sad week but I managed to get through it. I should thank you too… At least you spend some time talking to me on Fri...Well, though it didn't went out very well but still I'm better now… My heart no longer  that hurt anymore…  :)

Actually last week, there's something happening in my family. I tell no one….I thought I'll  be fine but the fact is… I'm not… Mum got depression, refuse to listen to anyone & ran off...Having all crappy thoughts to commit suicide… On the other hand, I am still very hurt & depressed over our breakup. GOSH!!! It had been really a crazy week… I really felt like I'm drowning silently and nobody knows it but me. How I wish that I could talk to you about it? You'll know how to console me & cheer me up just like you once did!

It's really hard for me to get you off my mind & HEART especially…. I really don't know why… I wasn't like this before I met you… To me, such a short relationship doesn't worth any heartache or mourning… Like I told you before, I won't let myself get indulge so much with a newly met person… But with you, you broke all my laws and principles… I fall for you real deep and now I FALL REAL HARD! I was actually at your house every single night without fail… Even though I didn't see you but seeing that your car is safe at home, be it your lights on or off...at least I know that you are safe at home now… And I just left… I know I promise you not to 'HAUNT' your house anymore on Fri… but I still did it on FRI night… You were too drunk and I was really worried… Like I said, I actually drove home after you throw your tantrums at me publicly and intended to throw back the ring which I gave you at me….  My love for you and my worries covered my anger...that's why I turned back and drove to your house…

I thought you were probably out last night drinking again last night...well I mean on Sat night but after hearing your sis told me that you were actually at home on Sat night, I was relieved…. I worried you go out drinking with others cause I know you can get out of control sometimes… Please let me know if you want to drink, I'll be there for you… I'll get your back if you needed too… I don't mind not having you being with me...As long as I can be there to watch over you, to guard you, I'm satisfy….

I was there outside your house few hours ago too… Didn't realize that it'll took me about 45 to 1 hour to drove tru-fro my house to yours… All the while I didn't really notice cause you were always in my car. Be it you'll come to mine or I'll just go to yours for the night… We usually go one direction… All these flashbacks are killing me cause I can remember them so clearly…

Baby, I don't know by when I'll stop visiting you secretly at night… but I know when that time comes… I had moved on…

Probably you're right baby… It might takes me 20 years to forget you… :)

You really took away a big chunk of me with you, baby...